Kenny Takes Flight
by Laid-Back Brit
Summary: The boys have built a cardboard plane which they intend to make really fly - with Kenny as the reluctant pilot. One thing leads to another when during his voyage through the air, the poor kid encounters a squadron of fighter jets - which mistake him for something else...


**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

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"This..." Stan announced, "is a proud day for America ... a proud day for South Park ... a proud day for us!"

"We," Kyle added, "are the world's first fourth graders who have constructed a cardboard airplane which really flies!"

"And as chairman of this successfully completed project, I hereby question..." Cartman paused as a glare crossed his face. "Why the fuck are we letting Kenny fly this god damn plane instead of moi! Poor people can't be pilots!"

"You'll make the plane fall out of the sky if you pilot kt, Cartman," Kyle answered.

"Yeah, you're too fat," Stan added.

"'EY! Shut up, you guys! I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!"

Stan and Kyle ignored Cartman as they turned towards the large cardboard plane, which they were about to launch into the air with the help of the giant slingshot they had built, using some large elastic and two nearby trees on the mountain they were on which overlooked South Park.

"You ready to take off, Captain Kenny?!" Kyle asked.

"No way!" Kenny shook his head, trying to break out of the seat in the plan the boys had strapped him to. "Don't do this to me, guys! I don't wanna fuckin' die!"

"Good to hear, Captain!" Stan saluted as he misunderstood Kenny's muffling. "Preparing to launch you now!"

Kenny's muffled protests were completely ignored as Stan and Kyle made their way to the rope attached to the elastic which was tied to a rock behind it.

"Ready for launch, Stan!"

"Copy that, Kyle!" Stan took out a knife. "Three...two...one...liftoff!"

He sliced through the rope.

The plane was flung off the mountain and into the air. Kenny screamed and cursed as he hung on for dear life as the cardboard construction he was strapped up in flew forward at a high speed towards South Park.

"It's flying!" Stan cried, jumping into the air. "It's really flying!"

"Isn't it a beautiful sight?" Kyle smiled as he wiped a tear.

"Oh God, Kyle!" Cartman groaned when he saw how emotional the ginger kid was getting. "I know this plane I decided to build kicks ass, but there's no need to be a wuss!"

Just then, a loud rumbling noise began to fill the air.

"Cool! It even sounds like a real plane too!" Cartman smiled. "What did we put in it to make that sound?"

Stan and Kyle stared, then turned towards each other with puzzled looks.

"We didn't..." Both of them chorused.

"Then what-?"

All of a sudden, Kenny screamed.

The others looked ahead of him in horror to see in front of him was a fleet of fighter jets. He was soaring straight into their path - right towards their front propellers which threatened to slice him to pieces.

"Oh my God!" Kyle cried. "Kenny, look out!"

Kenny shrieked and tightened up his parker before ducking out of view.

Luckily, the fighter jets passed over his plane, not one of them making impact with him. All of the pilots, however, had noticed the little cardboard vessel. The squadron leader quickly picked up his radio to make contact with his men.

"Wreck One to crew! Dangerous fighter sighted! Prepare to take down that little bastard before he endangers the little mountain town we passed over!"

The jets turned around in the air, now flying after the little cardboard plane. All the pilots engaged their vessels' weapons - and began to open fire.

"Holy shit!" Kenny cried as bullets hurled passed him through the air. "I'm gonna die again!"

"What are those dumb asses doing?!" Stan yelled as he and the others watched from the mountain as Kenny was under attack.

"Yeah, how dare they try to shoot down mah plane?!" Cartman snapped. "I spent weeks building that all by myself!"

"Hey!" Kyle burst out. "We built it too, Cartman! It's our plane!"

"I ain't sharing mah plane with anyone! Especially not with a Jew!"

"Shut up, you guys! None of us are gonna have a plane unless we do something!"

Stan ran over to where the boys had left their backpacks on the mountain. He reached into his and pulled out what was inside. He knew it was right for him to disobey his parents and take it with him in case he needed it.

"Stan?!" Kyle exclaimed as the dark-haired boy came back. "What are you doing with your Uncle Jimbo's hunting rifle?!"

"Hey, good one, Stan!" Cartman grinned as he snatched the rifle away. Now we'll take these assholes down!"

"Cartman, gimme that back! You can't just mess around with that gun!"

"It's mah plane! And I'm gonna shoot anyone who tries to destroy it!"

Ignoring Stan and Kyle's protests, Cartman fired the rifle - without taking proper aim.

Every one of the bullets he shot missed the fighter jets...

...then one of them hit the cardboard plane.

The fat boy's face filled with horror as the plane he owned and loved inside stopped flying, smoke trailing from its tail as it began to plunge downwards.

"Noooooooo!" Cartman wailed. "Mah plane!"

Stan and Kyle looked on in alarm too as the plane which was carrying Kenny inside hit a tree before bursting into a million pieces as it exploded.

"Oh my God!" Stan cried. "They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!" Kyle screamed as he shook his fist at the sky.

For a moment, the boys were silent - Stan and Kyle for Kenny, Cartman

For the plane - then...

"Hey, I'm okay, guys!"

"Guys, look!" Stan pointed towards where he had heard the muffled voice which had called out to them. "Kenny's alright!"

Sure enough, Kenny was very much alive as he fell gently towards the ground with the help of the parachute the others had made which he'd found inside the plane. He floated slowly down through the air into the depths of South Park, landing safely outside his house.

"WOOHOO!" He cheered as he jumped triumphantly in the air. "I didn't die-"

Kenny's joyful words were cut off as the fighter jets passed over him, shooting their guns and dropping bombs where he had landed. The poor kid was didn't stand a chance as he was struck with bullets and blown to pieces. Even as he was killed instantly, the fighter jets refused to cease their attacks. They fired their weapons at everything in sight in South Park. Residents screamed in terror as they ran for their lives while buildings and vehicles blew up and burst into flames.

From the top of the mountain, the boys saw everything.

"Oh jeez..." Kyle said worriedly. "Our parents are gonna be pissed off when they find out we did this..."

"Not unless we find someone else to take the blame for us..." Stan suggested.

"Yeah, come on, you guys! Let's go tell everyone it was Butters!" Cartman smiled sly as he prepared to head down the mountain. "His parents are so gonna ground him!"

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 **The end.**


End file.
